I sometimes make use of my free bus pass and go by bus from my village into Ipswich. The behaviour of bus passengers varies from the straight ahead stare conveying a wish to remain silent and apart, to the smile, which starts things off, often at the bus stop, and progresses to conversation that may or may not last the whole way to Ipswich.
Sometimes I may see someone I know quite well and we can progress quite quickly through the first pleasantries, usually about the weather, to news of which relatives have had a hip or knee. replacement, how long they had to wait for it, and on to where they went on holiday and how lovely the waiters were, or other such fond memories. If someone is a little hesitant it’s always a good idea to start things off with something to do with the bus service – how late the 12.10 came last week, no doubt caused by congestion on Colchester, moving on to the day the bus never came at all. The conversation may not progress beyond that but at least some contact has been made.
On occasions a fellow passenger may say that they are catching a 2nd bus in Ipswich up to the hospital, and say a little about the person they are visiting, how long they have been in hospital and whether or not progress is being made. Such conversations require good listening skills and a willingness to desist from going on about one’s own experiences in this area. You may be the first person they have spoken to all day about how worried they are, and the short time on the bus is their only chance to unburden. Whatever the nature of the conversation it is good to arrive at one’s destination feeling that human connection has been made and difficulties shared.
In contrast to bus travel, I also make quite a bit of use of the underground in London as I have 2 families to visit there. Human interaction on the underground is very limited. Sitting in 2 rows facing one another it is not the done thing to stare at those opposite or to talk to someone next to you if you don’t know them. A blank impassive stare is the norm and those of working age tend to cultivate a look of ” I’m going somewhere important” or “I’ve just left a very high-powered meeting” – or is that just me thinking that because I’m a retired lady up from the country?!
There is a a limited amount of care shown to others – now I’m in my 70s I am often offered a seat, as are pregnant women and those with small children, and tourists may be offered helpful advice about which stop to get out at, if they ask. Any sharing about more serious joys or sorrows of the human condition is not the done thing at all however and I guess Londoners have become used to this anonymity and would not feel at home on my local friendly bus service. I feel they miss out on something very precious though, and would go so far as to suggest that simple listening and sharing as part of our everyday going about can actually benefit our mental health.
Dear Lord. Help us to be sensitive to the needs of others as we go about our daily lives. May we see opportunities to listen, and show friendliness and care as part of our service to you in a world where so many people are lonely.