I had a wonderful moment last weekend. As it happens, I was walking home from Church, across a park by our house. A young boy was running around, with the lady caring for him sitting on a bench nearby. Aware of social distancing, I decided to move to walk around them both, to avoid walking between the two of them. As I walked past the young boy, I was greeted with a very confident “hello how are you”, to which I replied with something positive and then began to carry on walking. What came next surprised me after the last year of limited social interactions. He told me to wait where I was, ran back to the bench and brought me several different flowers he had picked and told me to smell them, with a giant beaming smile.
The lady with him, I’m not assuming what her relationship to him was, soon explained to me that English is his second language which he is learning at school. This became clear to me as after a few minutes the conversation began to become quite circular, as we reached the limit of his understanding. We established multiple times that it was a lovely day, the flowers smelt beautiful and that the rabbits in the field jump high, but not as high as a kangaroo. Ever aware of the frozen pudding I had gradually numbing my arm, I explained it was time for me to go home and began to carry on walking, which he only allowed once he’d proudly told me his name. The next 800 yards before leaving the park, I had to turn and wave every hundred yards or so as he shouted goodbye to me again.
As I walked home, I remembered the story my father so often proudly tells of the confidence I had as a 5 year old stomping along the path towards my school every morning, never finding it difficult to leave whichever parent was dropping me off and never turning round to wave because it just didn’t occur to me. Apparently, at the time another parent remarked how they wish they had half the confidence that I did. I finally understand what they meant, seeing the confidence of the boy that swaggered on up to me in the park last week, even though he wasn’t even interacting in his first language, and wondering when on earth between being 5 and 23 my own dwindled. It might not come quite so naturally now in abundance, but now when I catch myself, I am able to repeat the Bible verse telling me to cast all my anxieties onto the Lord for he cares for me. Remembering this always gives me an increased confidence in what I’m doing, as well as an assurance in the everlasting love of Jesus.
When I think back to 5 year old me and smile as I remember the way I skipped merrily down the path, I am reminded how freeing it is to worry less about the opinions of others, and to embrace myself and the world with all the confidence I can muster. Easier said than done I know, but the more consciously I try, the easier it will become.
A prayer:
Lord, thank you that we are always able to cast our worries to you. Help us to remember to look to you for confidence, regardless of whether it is abounding or lacking. Thank you that the only opinion we need to worry about is yours.
Amen.