As the area’s Youth Representative for the URC Youth, I sit on a national committee which meets 4 times a year and for the first time since November 2019, we were able to meet in person as a small group back in June. It was a real treat to be back amongst like minded people and discuss issues that matter to us.
As part of this, we have sessions of worship and they are always worlds apart from Sunday morning church worship because of the different structure and focus, so I never know what to expect, I just trust that there will be something that resonates with me and there always is. Some of it is led by different members of the committee of young people, and some is led by our dedicated chaplain to the group, so the approach has a good amount of variety for us all.
A line from a prayer stuck out for me “when we wanted to shake our fist, you still wanted to hold our hand”. As someone who (genuinely) doesn’t get angry very often- I can think of under 5 times in as many years – it’s a complex and alien emotion for me. Sadness and happiness? I know those. Regardless, when I do get angry, it can become all-consuming and come completely out of nowhere, after my patience being used for so long. It’s an emotion I find so hard that I usually take myself away from the situation when I’m arguing with someone to calm myself down and avoid confrontation as much as I possibly can. This only works to an extent, often leaving things unresolved for longer than they could be.
Aside from not being the most effective at working through an issue, that method is significantly unsuccessful on the occasions when I’m angry with God. This is where the line in the prayer resonated with me the most. I’d be stunned if anyone could genuinely say that they’d never at all been angry with God, even if it was only for a brief moment. I experienced this when I was dealing with some sad news a year or two ago; I couldn’t comprehend how such a situation had been allowed to happen. That in itself is a whole different debate which I’m not really qualified to have and certainly couldn’t fit into the word limit here!
As with all relationships in our lives, there is nothing wrong with feeling angry with God. It’s something that perhaps we don’t often talk about, understandably, but that once I realised the emotions I were feeling were just as valid as they are in my relationships with family and friends, it was freeing. Its not something I feel very often, but when I do, it is important to know I do not need to feel ashamed about it.
When I’ve returned from leaving a situation because I felt too angry, I generally find myself either embarrassed or defensive, but it’s nearly always fixed with a hug and talking about the situation. This I found to be a slightly different process with God. As we’re reminded in the Bible, we can’t remove ourselves from a situation with God, because He is always by our side. He’s always there to listen to our frustration, always responding with love. As soon as I used the situation I found myself in to further my relationship with God, instead of trying to face it on my own, suddenly it became much less daunting.
A prayer
Lord God, thank you for never leaving our side, and always being there to comfort and be with us when we are angry. Help us to understand when we feel anger, and to use this to develop our relationship with you. Amen