We have a special event in the Methodist Church during the spring of every year called the Presbyteral Synod. It is a gathering of all Presbyters (ministers who wear dog collars) across the Methodist District and it is a day that I hold dear in my heart because we share in a service of Holy Communion, then spend the day hearing reports on those new to ministry who are still training, hearing testimonies from ministers who are planning to retire from the active work or “sit down” as we refer to this act, which suggests that ministers never actually retire, and finally, we hear the obituaries for our colleagues who have died during the year.
I always find myself sitting with the great and good of Methodism, some very learned colleagues, ministers who have held some of the highest offices in the Methodist Church, the authors of books I have on my bookshelves and those who have been ministers longer than I have lived. It is at times like this that I feel totally inadequate and feel to be bumbling along, blagging my way through, while these pillars of the Methodist Church are experts, and far more superior than I am.
That is maybe why I hold Aldersgate Sunday very dear to my heart. Nudging up to three hundred years ago Rev John Wesley, an Anglican Priest went somewhat begrudgingly to a gathering in Aldersgate Street and there, while someone read Martin Luther’s preface to the letter of St Paul to the Romans, he felt his heart “strangely warmed” and he suddenly felt that he did trust in God.
Reading John Wesley’s journal, we discover that even though he was an ordained priest, he had recognised for some time that there was more, much more that he had to give, he had been battling with his faith and experimenting with different approaches so that his faith made sense, and maybe as he went to his meeting that evening he felt totally inadequate, as though he were bumbling along, blagging his way through and starting to feel as though he didn’t know where to turn next. In that moment, that evening, the penny dropped and he knew that what he needed to do was to trust in God.
You might find yourself sitting in church week by week believing that others are far better Christians than you are, you might feel totally inadequate. You might worship in a small church and look at some of the mega churches that are sprouting up and assume that they are getting it right, and because there are only a handful of you, then consequently, you must be getting it wrong. You might have been to part of a church community in the past and feel that you are not good enough to go back, you might have never really had anything to do with Church and feel unsure of dipping a toe in, because you are a beginner, and they are all experts.
Please don’t worry, you are in good company, the lesson John Wesley learned that night was simply to be yourself and trust in God and he went on to inspire millions of people and become one of the top men in the evangelical Church. As for me, I will never be like some of my esteemed colleagues, that doesn’t mean that I give up, but I allow God to transform me through the power of his spirit to be the best minister that I can be. I hope that you feel you heart warmed by his Spirit.